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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29419515">images of rapture (creep into me slowly)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/architecture_in_f1ll0ry/pseuds/architecture_in_f1ll0ry'>architecture_in_f1ll0ry</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: Legend of Korra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Daydreaming, Infidelity, M/M, Mutual Pining, Requited Love, Tenderness, Tenzin drinks in this one, They're trying okay, halting attempts at communication</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:21:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,624</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29419515</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/architecture_in_f1ll0ry/pseuds/architecture_in_f1ll0ry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Tarrlok daydreams.</p><p>(And in which I again barge into Lenticular's Tenzin's Affair 'verse with a sidefic of my own.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tarrlok/Tenzin (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>images of rapture (creep into me slowly)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lenticular/gifts">Lenticular</a>.</li>


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25767682">Crawl Into My Heart</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lenticular/pseuds/Lenticular">Lenticular</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>just another little crawl into my heart-inspired number, based on lenticular's tweet about tarrlok fantasizing about a real date with tenzin in the middle of a regular workday lunch. </p><p>title is from mariah carey's "fantasy" which is not a song I ever thought I would associate with these two, but I've learned to let go and let god when it comes to this ship.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Good evening, sir. Your table is right this way.” The host gives Tarrlok a shallow bow and extends a hand, leading Tarrlok into the dimly lit, high-ceilinged restaurant, through the main floor and into a semi-private alcove that’s clearly reserved for more intimate meetings, a cluster of white candles gently flickering in the center of the table. Tenzin stands as soon as he sees him, brushing a hand down the front of his formal attire. Tarrlok doesn’t miss the way that hand trembles slightly, and can’t contain a slightly embarrassed smile at the way Tenzin is looking at him, his eyes somehow both fierce and soft.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Tarrlok remembers to say, and the host nods graciously. </p><p> </p><p>“Your waiter will be with you shortly.” And then he’s gone, and Tenzin is stepping closer to take Tarrlok's hand, bringing it up to his lips. Tarrlok can only watch in amused surprise as Tenzin kisses the back of his hand softly, holding his gaze. </p><p> </p><p>“This is…” Tarrlok blinks, unused to being at a loss for words. He hopes Tenzin can’t somehow sense how frantically his heart is pounding, but smug isn’t exactly his lover's style, anyway, so the worry is baseless. “Very romantic.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, well.” Tenzin flushes pink, still holding Tarrlok’s hand in his. “Is it too much?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not at all,” Tarrlok says. He leans in for a brief, warm touch of lips, lingering for a moment before pulling completely away. Tenzin smells faintly of spices and clean air, and it would be too easy to steal another kiss, and then another, despite the semi-public setting. So he moves to sit down instead, inclining his head at Tenzin’s recently vacated seat across from him. “Shall we?”</p><p> </p><p>Sharing a meal while facing each other is more or less their routine at work, but it feels entirely different here, far from where they might be interrupted by the minutiae of their respective jobs, their time now reserved to be completely their own. The table is not very large, and Tarrlok shoots Tenzin a secret smile as their legs come into contact beneath it, a discreet yet mostly innocent touch. A mischievous spirit comes over him, or perhaps he summons it to cloak the rising swell of fondness that threatens to bubble over.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re looking very handsome tonight, Tenzin,” he murmurs as he picks up his menu, expecting to unsettle the other man, smirking when his words do just that.</p><p> </p><p>Tenzin clears his throat, turning his head as if to make sure they’re still alone, his expression both disbelieving and bashful. “I—well, no, surely it’s <em> you </em> who—that is—”</p><p> </p><p>“Good evening, sirs,” a voice interrupts smoothly, and Tarrlok bites his lips against a laugh as he turns to at their brisk, fresh-faced young waiter. “Perhaps some drinks, to start?”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzin opens his mouth, and Tarrlok waits for him to request water or tea. Instead, he asks, “Are there any reds you’d recommend?”</p><p> </p><p>As the waiter takes them through the list, Tarrlok glances at Tenzin in shock. Tenzin catches his eye, the corner of his lip turning upwards before directing his full attention back onto the waiter. At the end of the recitation, he raises an eyebrow at Tarrlok. “I will defer to your expertise.”</p><p><br/>
“The ‘89 vintage sounds perfect,” Tarrlok says with a winning smile, and waits for them to retreat before fixing Tenzin with a curious, partly scandalized look. “You!”</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Tenzin sighs, then chuckles, shrugging. “It’s a special occasion, after all.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is it?” Tarrlok smiles, tilting his head. Tenzin just looks back at him, his face more relaxed and open than Tarrlok has seen it in weeks, as if to return, <em> isn’t it? </em></p><p> </p><p>And then Tenzin takes his hand, letting their fingers entwine, and neither of them pull away when the waiter returns to pour them their first glass of wine.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Three glasses and an appetizer later, Tenzin is waxing poetic about his ambitions for the city, but Tarrlok has some trouble concentrating. Thanks to the alcohol, Tenzin’s skin now bears a soft flush that Tarrlok finds quite distracting—as he usually only sees it when Tenzin is gazing down at him with his mouth half open in pleasure, his fingers curling hard into Tarrlok’s hair…</p><p> </p><p>“What are you thinking about?” Tenzin asks shrewdly, narrowing his eyes, and Tarrlok takes an innocent sip of his wine, feeling extremely warm beneath his collar.</p><p> </p><p>“Hm? Nothing. Continue telling me about these fantasy social justice reforms.”</p><p> </p><p> “It’s n—” Tenzin stops, leveling a wry glare at Tarrlok. “I don’t like the way you said that.”</p><p> </p><p>Tarrlok spreads his hands, shrugging expansively with a puzzled smirk. “I call it how I see it, Tenzin, I always have. You have very...lofty ideals.”</p><p> </p><p>“I am a lawmaker and representative of my nation; that’s my responsibility! To effect change!”</p><p> </p><p>“I would argue it’s also to be realistic.”</p><p> </p><p>“There are many freedoms we enjoy that once seemed unrealistic,” Tenzin argues stubbornly, knocking his knee into Tarrlok’s with slow significance. “Anyway, it’s not as if you don’t have ambitions. Yours are just of a different sort.”</p><p> </p><p>Tarrlok nods at him for a moment, his eyes narrowed in challenge. “Go on. Since you know me so well.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzin leans forward, planting one forearm and an elbow on the table, raising one finger. “A more robust police force.”</p><p> </p><p>“You say that as if it’s a bad thing!” Tarrlok retorts, annoyed. “The triads have been threatening the peace and livelihoods of all the citizens you claim you want to protect. For decades!”</p><p> </p><p>“You always do this,” Tenzin argues. “You always scapegoat the triads when it’s clear that the issues plaguing Republic City are much more layered and systemic. Why do the poorest children end up joining these gangs?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because their parents are jobless addicts who neglected them to be raised by the streets?” Tarrlok spears a mini dumpling and brings it to his mouth, humming. “We should get more of these.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I agree, since you ate the vast majority,” Tenzin grumbles.</p><p> </p><p>Tarrlok snorts, spearing the last and extending it toward Tenzin unthinkingly. “Fine. See, I can be nice.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzin’s eyes move from the outstretched fork to Tarrlok’s face, hesitating, and then leans in to take the dumpling into his mouth. “One part of my education reform," he continues, chewing, "For instance, would mandate free care and early education for every child under five years of age. Imagine what a lifeline that would be for struggling parents who often need to choose between reliable childcare and work.”</p><p> </p><p>Tarrlok rolls his eyes, nodding exaggeratedly. “Yes, yes, that’s very nice, but while you wait for the funding for these pie in the sky initiatives, real people are dying in the streets every day. I’m pragmatic and solutions-oriented, as any elected official should be.”</p><p> </p><p>“Over-policing is not a <em> solution</em>, it’s another problem to be fixed. Real change takes time!”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly my point!”</p><p> </p><p>“Number two,” Tenzin continues doggedly, holding up a second finger. Tarrlok groans, having almost forgotten the original exercise, and again reaches out to grab his hand, rubbing his thumb in slow circles over Tenzin’s skin, biting his lip in a way he knows will fluster Tenzin. Sure enough, Tenzin's voice trembles when he chides, “Don’t do that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t do what, Tenzin?” Tarrlok murmurs, feigning confusion. Tenzin is even more pink now, trying and failing to hold onto his glare.</p><p> </p><p>“I know what you’re trying to do, which tells me that I must have made my point.”</p><p> </p><p>Tarrlok can’t help his small chuckle, raising a skeptical eyebrow. “Mmm, not really.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Tenzin says, and swallows, his hand tightening in Tarrlok’s. “I’m trying to. Know you, I mean.”</p><p> </p><p><em>This again.</em> Rather than irritation, Tarrlok feels a resigned fondness, even as the beating of his heart falters, then continues at an accelerated pace. “Why?” he hears himself ask, something about the novel setting and the tongue-loosening wine making the question easier to vocalize. “Why is that something you suddenly need?”</p><p> </p><p>“Suddenly?” Tenzin blurts, and the waiter appears again, startling them both, though Tenzin doesn’t flinch, just nods when they’re offered another glass.</p><p> </p><p>“Leave the bottle,” Tarrlok suggests, then remembers himself, flashing a polite smile. “Please.”</p><p> </p><p>“And can we have another order of these dumplings?”</p><p> </p><p>“Very good, sirs.”</p><p> </p><p>In the ensuing silence, Tenzin looks over at Tarrlok, lips pursed, inhaling and exhaling slowly, deliberating. </p><p> </p><p>“Tarrlok. Look at me.”</p><p> </p><p>Tarrlok’s stomach jolts as he looks up into those piercing eyes, the warm blue of Yue Bay. He dislikes feeling this tongue-tied, a phenomenon that only ever happens around Tenzin, and one he can usually shield by simply leaving the room, or distracting him with sex. Now, here, pinned beneath that gaze, he sees the inevitability of saying much more than he normally allows himself to.</p><p> </p><p>He takes a healthy sip of wine, which doesn’t go unnoticed.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes?”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you—how do you—is this still just—” Tenzin pauses, clearly gathering himself as he closes his eyes, then opens them. “Is this still nothing more than sex to you?”</p><p> </p><p>Tarrlok grinds his jaw for a moment, feeling his face grow warm. “No,” he admits, finally, in a low voice. The way Tenzin’s eyes widen, shining with something like hope, makes him shiver with guilt and embarrassment both. “No, alright? I thought that was obvious.”</p><p> </p><p>“Obvious?” Tenzin laughs, soft and incredulous. “You’re one of the most closed-off people I’ve ever met.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, well.” Tarrlok watches Tenzin take a sip of his wine, extricates his hand to run sweaty palms over his thighs. “I just don’t see the point in...dwelling on it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’d hardly call a frank conversation after nearly a decade of...this <em> dwelling</em>. I—I care deeply for you, Tarrlok.”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought I was a menace,” Tarrlok jokes, doing his damndest to keep his face from spilling into a fond smile, unsure if he succeeds. The likely answer is no, if Tenzin’s half-surprised, half-adoring expression is anything to go by. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, you are.”</p><p> </p><p>Tarrlok decides to blame the alcohol for the next words that tumble out of his mouth. “It’s not like I have you all to myself, anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzin freezes, his eyes searching Tarrlok’s for a long moment, the air suddenly heavy.</p><p> </p><p>“Forget I said that.” Stupidly, Tarrlok drains his glass, begins pouring another, topping off Tenzin's as well. Tenzin just watches him, opening and closing his mouth soundlessly. </p><p> </p><p>“Is that what you want?” he questions bluntly, voice hushed, and Tarrlok forces a laugh that’s a little too loud, shakes his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Be serious, Tenzin.” The waiter returns, bearing another platter of dumplings, asking for their main dish orders. The interruption dispels a bit of the tension, but when they leave, Tenzin leans closer, his eyes blazing with melancholy and something else that makes Tarrlok’s chest feel painfully tight.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m being very serious. It’s all I know how to be.”</p><p> </p><p>Tarrlok’s lips twitch against a smile despite his irritation. “You’re only saying this because you’re drinking, and you never drink.” He knows, as the words are leaving his mouth, that this is a lie, but he’s giving Tenzin an out. Plausible deniability. </p><p> </p><p>Tenzin, of course, doesn’t take it. “No,” he says slowly, shaking his head once, his eyes falling to the pristine white tablecloth. “No, that’s...not why.”</p><p> </p><p>“You aren’t going to leave her. You can’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you <em> want </em> me to?” Tenzin asks, then growls in frustration before Tarrlok can even open his mouth, as if pre-empting his deflection. “Just—be honest with me, Tarrlok! For once!”</p><p> </p><p>“You want to know if I want you to leave your wife? To do what, exactly?” Tarrlok keeps his voice low, the words spilling forth like a powerful stream from a broken dam. “You, the son of Avatar Aang, at the center of a scandal with your younger colleague? What about your kids? And where would you live? With me?” He scoffs, ignoring the heat in his cheeks, the furious drumming of his heart. “No one does all that unless they’re in l—” He stops talking, expelling a blast of air through his nose. </p><p> </p><p>When he finally gathers the courage to look up, Tenzin is staring back at him with an oddly pained smile. “Yes,” he says simply.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t—Tenzin—”</p><p> </p><p>“I won't say it if you aren't ready to hear it. But you still haven’t answered the question,” Tenzin interrupts, obstinate.</p><p> </p><p>“I—” Tarrlok calculates quickly, shutting his eyes and breathing, opening them again. “No, I—I mean, I’ve thought about it. Alright?” He shakes his head again, groans softly when Tenzin’s hands find his, the warm touch derailing his hastily constructed half-truth, crumbling it to dust again. “Of course I want—more, but that’s not what this is. I know that. You have your family, and your legacy, and I can’t—give you any of that.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not asking—”</p><p> </p><p>“I <em>know</em>,” Tarrlok says hastily, wanting to wipe the despairing expression from Tenzin’s face, wanting to clamber out of this deeply uncomfortable black hole of vulnerability they’ve stumbled into. “I know you aren’t, but I don’t think I can—can’t we just keep things as they are? Now?” Tenzin’s hands are firm and reassuring in his, and he knows a line has been crossed, a line he’s worked so hard to maintain to protect them both.</p><p> </p><p>(He's loath to admit a small part of him is glad to have been forced over it.)</p><p> </p><p>Tenzin sighs, looking at him closely. “If that’s what you want.”</p><p> </p><p>Relieved, Tarrlok nods. “It is. Let’s just...keep this as simple as we can.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can I kiss you?” Tenzin asks unexpectedly, and Tarrlok blinks, glancing around, then looks back at him with a conspiratorial smile, leaning across the table. Tenzin does too, and Tarrlok lets his eyes fall shut as their lips meet in a slow kiss that steals the breath from his lungs, transmuting everything that hasn’t been said, the slow simmering truth beneath the evening’s weighted silences. Tenzin’s hand moves up to cradle Tarrlok’s jaw, brushing his thumb across his cheek as the kiss grows deeper. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m,” Tarrlok breathes some time later, keeping his eyes shut, relishing Tenzin’s closeness, the precarious, terrifying intimacy of the moment. “I’m glad you kissed me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, good,” Tenzin says with a smile in his voice, and Tarrlok realizes he needs to be more clear.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I meant, I’m glad you kissed me at the Solstice festival, all those years ago,” he murmurs, opening his eyes to find Tenzin looking at him with mild surprise, his eyes soft. There isn’t much more he can let himself say—not now, not here, and perhaps not ever—but Tenzin doesn't press, just angles his head for one final tender kiss, then pulls away, squeezing his hand meaningfully.</p><p> </p><p>The way the waiter appears around the corner with their food, as if having waited for the right moment, tells Tarrlok that they had likely been caught mid-embrace. He wonders why the idea doesn’t panic him as much as it should.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Tarrlok. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The meal looks and smells incredible, and Tarrlok wants to laugh suddenly, buoyed by the new understanding between him and Tenzin, even as something tells him this is off, that this can’t last—</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Tarrlok? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Hm?” His head snaps up from his plate, but it’s not a plate, of course, it’s his takeaway bowl of seaweed noodles. It takes him a moment to fully extract himself from the secluded candlelit meal, grounding himself in cold reality again. Tenzin is watching him suspiciously from the other side of his desk, wearing his normal robes, the buzz of City Hall barely audible behind his closed door. “Did you say something?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, but you looked a million miles away. What were you thinking about?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” Tarrlok wills away a blush, digging deeper into his bowl with a careless shrug. “Nothing in particular.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>when will tarrzin crawl back OUT of my heart because it's really becoming a problem</p></blockquote></div></div>
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